My Boyfriend is going into the Royal Navy.

Today has started the process which I have known about since I was 16 but never quite realised how quickly it would come around.

Today my boyfriend has gone on his first set of training which is 3 days of intensive training. This isn't so bad, I can deal with 3 days of him being away. However, once he's finished that the next step is him being away for 10 weeks starting at the end of July. This is slightly harder to deal with...

Now I've never actually lived with my boyfriend, we both live in different cities and so have only ever really seen each other once a week anyway. This is hard, but i've dealt with it for a long time and we've made a system so that it works and we are happy.

Now that his 10 weeks of training is looming in about a months time, I am starting to feel a bit nervous about the whole thing.

I am completely and utterly proud of him is what I want to firstly make clear. He has wanted this since he was a little boy and not many people can say they are living their childhood dream job. He has done so well and I know he will be amazing once in the Royal Navy.

It's how 10 weeks being apart is going to affect both of us. We have already agreed that to make it easier, whilst he is away we won't FaceTime/Skype as seeing each others faces may make it harder. So we will talk just over the phone instead of Video Calling. It's been really important that we've both talked about this and set boundaries like only phone calls not video calls so that we are both on the same page.

We have also agreed that I won't move down to whereever he is based until I've got the current qualification I am studying for which is a Diploma in Retail Management Apprenticeship. This does mean I probably won't be able to live with him for about 2 years after he has got into the Royal Navy. However, I don't want it to be a problem that either of us feels like we are holding each other back. I feel like that is important, but again it's going to be really hard for both of us.

I've had episodes of crying and episodes of smiling over this and overall I am happy, also nervous and a little bit sad. Is that normal? I guess it is. I know no one who is going through this process currently and I do feel a little isolated because I have to explain to my friends what he is doing etc.

So I've written this in hope that I may get if anything some relief in writing how I feel about this process which has started now. Hopefully this all makes sense.

Misha x

Can you be lazy AND hard working?

If there are two words that have been used to describe me a lot during my 19 years of life, they would be "hardworking" and "lazy". They have been used in many different scenarios and by very different people. Sometimes even the same people use these two opposite words in the same sentence to me. So am I a lazy people who can work hard, or a hard worker who sometimes can be lazy?

I am usually called a hard worker when I am doing a particular task such as completing a series of tasks at work which needed to be done quickly, or for revising and completing an essay to a good standard. It is these sort of tasks which I do put everything into and knuckle down to get them done. The quicker they are done, the quicker I can get on with something I would rather do and answers the following question which is, why am I lazy?

I love to do nothing. Nothing gives me better joy than sitting in my bedroom, with a book, or my iPad, a cup of tea, and basically not doing anything to a great amount of productivity. I've never been an active person, I hate participating in sports and would rather curl up in my bed and sleep. I also love to sleep, I am that person who will sleep until 1pm if they could every day. I love being confined in my room alone and just being me. I feel most comfortable doing that, nothing is out of my comfort zone or ability in there. I am myself in that room, which to my parents when my room is not tidy or I haven't come out of it for days is what being lazy is all about.

It's like I have a split personality, teachers at school and people I work with would never call me lazy and find it hard to believe that I have that trait within me to just do nothing. In their eyes I am golden, I get things done quickly and to a good standard. I am a different person to what I act like in my spare time when I am working, but isn't everyone?

Most people do act differently in different parts of their lives, many do lie about who they are at work so that they don't know who they really are in their own time. We all have a mask, but some people really are just one or the other. We've all come across people who are lazy in every aspect of their life and then the latter who just don't stop and work too hard. Neither are a good trait to have in my opinion all the time.

The more aspects of you personality you use in your life, the more interesting you are and the less stress or lack of accomplishment you feel.

If you feel like you are working yourself too hard, take a break! Go travelling, see the world, and find ways to use your hard working trait in a more fun and relaxing way.

If you feel that you are too lazy and haven't accomplished anything, find one thing to do and complete it. Then do something else, and another thing after that etc. The small steps you take will then allow you to feel more accomplished and less lazy. You can still be lazy in the evenings or weekends, but allow some time to work, meet people, write, read, explore, its so liberating after your first success.

To answer my initial question, yes you can be lazy and hard working and its okay to be both! Its great to be able to work hard and play hard or do nothing hard! Enjoy who you are, and if you feel like you are slipping more onto one side of the seesaw, then do something about it. But always be yourself and no one else.

How do you "Adult" Correctly?

Many people my age are struggling with this question, we never were taught at school how to do taxes, find places to live, progress in our chosen careers, so how do we do it?

Is it guess work? Luck or a case of faking it till you make it? People on social media seem to look like they've got the "adult life" sorted, you see pictures and posts of people on FaceBook and Instagram purchasing their first flat, being promoted, doing their taxes and having enough money to be comfortable in life by their mid twenties to early thirties.

So how do they get to that point? Where are the pictures of the hardships of not making rent, being unemployed and dealing with stress of relationships. You don't see that on social media as much as the fun side of life people always portray.

I do not own this picture.

I believe social media is causing many people to have false pretences about how life works once you "flee the nest and make it on your own"
. You see programmes like "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" where Kylie Jenner who is born in the same year as me (1997) buying a mansion before she is 18 and moving out on the day of her 18th birthday. That to me is something thats a mere twinkle in the eye of realistic outcomes for me. I can barely afford to move out of my family home and so have to wait another year to do so comfortably. Is it right that the rich show off their early independence to the not so rich kids who still have curfews? Is it right that we only show our successes on social media and not the flaws and downsides to independence. 

Unlike some of my friends I didn't go to university (see why here) and so I will be learning how to sort out taxes and bills in different ways, no student grants or housing deals for me. 

I was discussing this with my brother, who did go to University and has just got his own flat in London. He expressed the point that he is just learning as he goes along and through friends who are ahead of the game, but he did say that he didn't realise how much money goes towards having a place of your own. Bills, fees, taxes take over your life and before you know it, you're back to asking your parents for extra cash which just adds to the stress of dealing with a student loan at the same time. 

But what if we did get taught how to "adult" at school? Would we be any the wiser at putting our classroom tricks to the test in real life? Can it be examined? How can one persons view on how to "adult correctly" be correct for a whole population of young people, it simply can't work. So are we all doomed to learn the hard way on how to do taxes and pay bills and "adult correctly" etc. 

I am hoping my travelling will help to prepare me for the world I wish to be part of next year, I've learnt how to save and budget effectively through this experience and so hope I know what I am doing. However, even if I do not know what I am doing and make a fool of ones self, then I still have my family to look after me. So I guess there isn't much to be afraid about going in the real world. I just hope I am as ready as I believe I am. 

The EU Referendum in the UK: My thoughts and Opinions.

I would firstly like to point out before I start this rant that I personally believe that we should stay within the EU, as in my opinion it will benefit the majority in the long run. Although, this is just my view and if my rant, about how the government has gone around addressing this issue becomes bias in any way, then this is why. I believe we should stay and not allow a few peoples concerns about an organisation in terms on money and immigration shadow out the positives the EU gives every country involved. 

The UK Government had no choice in deciding whether or not we had to have this referendum. It needed to happen. The EU was a big factor in the 2015 UK General Election and continues to plague the minds of our society due to politicians fears being used to gain votes. Yes the EU is not perfect, is any Government perfect? Is any large body of people trying to gain a conclusion going to be simple and easy to organise?

Immigration is always going to be an issue, its either there isn't enough immigration or there is too much. People always fear the unknown and the possibility that our country could be over-run with people from all over Europe is something which for people can be scary. Its natural to fear the unknown. This is why the leave campaign is so real and convincing, it appeals to peoples fears of being an over-crowded nation. But the way the "In" and "Leave" campaign have gone about showing the general public there views on this is not impressive in the slightest...

Both sides are using fear to their benefits. That is not a healthy way of convincing people to do what you want them to do. That is what dictators do, that is what bullies do, that is what both campaigns are doing. The "In" campaign are saying how our economy will crash and cause chaos if we leave and the "leave" campaign are using the fears of "too much immigration" as their tool in this election. That is not right.

My mother came to England in the 1960s from India and people had the same fears then about immigration. Nothing has changed. We have got through each rush of immigration whether its from Asia, Africa or Eastern Europe. There is nothing to be afraid of, these fears cause so much sadness and anger for everyone involved. Immigration comes and goes in its rushes, we can adapt. These people want a better life, so we need to give them a chance in our society and not be hostile and ignorant about why they are coming here. They don't want to "steal our jobs", they want a better life.

The economy also is a difficult subject to approach because of how different it is every day. I'm not an expert, but from what I've heard form experts and from the news is that yes there is a chance that the economy will crash and that is not good for anyone wanting a job, British or not.

However, nothing is definite in our world. The extra cash could go into better uses, such as the struggling NHS and other public services which desperately need money. But is it better to go back to where we were in 2008 but have better services, or get out of this debt and slowly pump money back into all of our services and deal with the slow services? That's the ethical question which is causing many people confusion in deciding what side to take.

Whatever you decide, don't let the playground politicians debates where they just tell each other that they are wrong to decide your vote. Make your own research, not what the government are telling us to read. Look into every detail you are unsure of, make sure you know what you are dealing with. Make the right decision for you. I've made my decision now. I want to stay in as I can see all the positives the EU gives us. Easy trade, job security, easy access across the whole continent, the ability to have a say in what happens to our neighbours.

However, I would like to see more reforms and an absolution to any corruption so that all our money is going to do some good, and not just go to the politicians in Brussels.

Planning Ahead.

At the beginning of April I booked my Interrail Trip around Europe and I have never done anything like this before, so the bundle of excitement/nerves has got be planning every detail already.

I am due to leave for my trip on the 30th August and I can honestly say that I've pretty much planned out every detail already! I've done the budget for each day, timetable for each city (there are 7 cities I'm visiting altogether) and I have also found the best train times for each day I am travelling. Now I know that's very excessive and quick, but I would prefer to plan now than too close to the time.n

This got me thinking, in life generally people like myself like to "plan ahead" too. When we are at school we are told to start planning for our futures at such young ages so that we don't make any mistakes and stay on track to success. I remember being told at 13 that my GCSE choices would determine if my life will be successful or a failure. This state of mind has clearly stayed with me which is why I tend to plan ahead way earlier than needed. 

However, sometimes we have dreams which we plan to achieve and this gets us excited and therefore leads to planning years of days ahead of the dream we have. Nevertheless, many of these dreams don't leave the drawing table and all our plans fall off the mountain. 

I definitely have had plans which have never met reality, being a journalist was one which I so desperately wanted to come true. However my exam results didn't meet the requirements needed to make the dream a reality and so I let my plans drift away. Should I have let go of my dreams that quickly? I don't know. What I do know is that plans change and that's ok. Because of that one dream to become a journalist, I decided to create a blog to do what I love without the stress of exams getting in my way. Writing is somethings love and I may not be the best or have any success in this blog, but one thing is for sure and that is that I love it. 

Luckily my Interrail is set in stone and I'm so excited to write about my experiences on here and to test myself at looking after myself abroad and take risks. And see what new dreams form from this once in a lifetime opportunity I planned myself. 

My April 2016

Each month is different in its own right. We see different people, have different opportunities and sometimes are different people each month of the year. Some months are more significant than others for many reasons. This month has been significant to me due to the fact that I turned 19 on April 22 this year. So I thought I would write about what I have done this month so that I have a permanent reminder on what an amazing month this has been for me personally.

Right at the start of the month, me and my boyfriend, James booked our Interrail tickets which will take us around Europe for 3 weeks starting on the 30th August 2016. Now if this isn't something significant in my life I have no idea what is. I am so excited to start planning this trip as its something new and very out of my comfort zone, in a good way that is. I've wanted to do this Interrail trip since I was 13 and my parents told me about the time they did it in the late 80s. I love european culture and its history fascinates me, so to be able to see monuments and castles which I had only previously read about in textbooks and see on documentaries would be a dream come true. I am very much a history "nerd" if you would use that terminology. Europe was the centre of power for many centuries and has influenced so much in good and bad ways that it seemed silly for me not to explore its current culture and see its remains of a super power gone by.

 This month I also had the opportunity to go to London to see the amazingly talented Mathew Perry star in his own play called "The End of Longing". This play expressed so many issues and emotions which made you look at ourselves in other ways. Would we change our faults to save a relationship? Or put aside anxieties to give something/someone a chance. The play in my opinion was a 7.8/10 due to its comedy element and realism but I would say needed a bit more information on the characters in some points. 

I also in London visited some sights and museums which was lovely and enjoyed just walking around London markets and the streets just admiring the bustling city on a nice weekend right before the Queen's 90th Birthday Celebrations began across the city and beyond.

This month was also my 19th Birthday which I celebrated over the course of 3 days. I first went to Clarks Village with my lovely Mum near Bridgewater, Somerset on the 21st April (day before). I had a nice late morning shop around buying a few things here and there. Then later on I met up with some friends for some drinks and stayed out very late as you do when you are young...(drink responsibly.)

Then on my actual birthday (22nd April) I had a lazy morning spent with my boyfriend and family opening presents etc. Then went out for an amazing meal in Bristol at a restaurant called the "Glass Boat" which faced out onto the Bristol Docks and had a 3 course meal there right before I went to see Mamma Mia at the Bristol Hippodrome with my boyfriend.


The following day my brother Amrik came home from London to see me and our family went out for another meal at Nonna's restaurant in Bath which is a lovely little Italian place very near the famous Royal Crescent in Bath.

Now... I do want to mention that while at this restaurant this very annoying couple sat next to our table kept making unneeded remarks and looks at my sister who is autistic and I would like to mention how rude and obnoxious that makes you. I also would like to say that you ruined my birthday meal for me and my family and made it uncomfortable for everyone around you. I would like you to know that not everyone is the same and thats okay. My sister has special needs and doesn't deal very well with situations like going to a new restaurant all that well. I was proud of her making the effort to go to my birthday meal and people like you make her feel anxious and scared to try new things which may seem simple to you but to her is very scary. So take a lesson and learn that not everyone is like you. Most people are nice and do not stare and make comments.

So that was my April 2016. A very adventurous month and also the start of an amazing Spring/Summer for me to enjoy documenting for the next coming months leading up to my amazing expedition around Europe.

Applications, Online tests, CVs, the adult things in life.

Recently I have been applying for a couple of apprenticeships in the UK and looking into some professions as back up plans in case my first choice of apprenticeships requires different qualifications to what one has achieved. This to me is very grown up and adult like (excuse the bad english) and it has all of a sudden hit me that I am now an adult who has to make adult decisions like career choices and where I am going to live etc. This is very scary.

Many people say to me, 'oh you are so mature for your age, you should find the transition into becoming a full blown adult very normal and smooth due to your maturity'. That is all bull shit may I add. I am very mature when it comes to certain aspects of my life such as my job and my social life,(which currently doesn't exist as a book and cup of tea/glass of wine is my vision of a good night.) But I am also only 18 and my 19th birthday is in 3 weeks or so and that is terrifying to me. I don't want to grow older, I don't want these responsibilities and to make changes to my life. To me, getting older is just another sign of how quickly life can change.

I took this gap year to find myself and do all I can to have fun before I make these changes to my life, somehow I think by delaying the choices I have to make, I have made it much more difficult to make the changes I need to make.  However, I am glad I took this gap year so that I can travel and 'act my age' in terms of going out with friends and seeing sights such as Liverpool, London, Rome, Paris, Amsterdam etc. This is all great what I am doing, but nevertheless I will have to make my decision soon. Being an adult isn't always as fun as being a young and carefree teenager.

Those are just some thoughts that have been rattling in my brain the past couple of weeks.