Poem of voices - By Misha S-B

A little poem to voice the voices,

The voices which have no noises,

That just spread through your mind like a wild fire,

Distorting your broken mind and allowing you to cry. 

A little poem to voice the forgotten voices,

The forgotten memories of happiness and love,

Which lie dormant till they rise above,

Too weak to fight the demons inside,

The memories which can be alight,

If given the chance of flight. 

So to the distorted memories,

Broken thoughts and large wild fires,

Let the forgotten voices be heard,

To remind the young mind,

That a memory is the past, 

and a new present is on its way very soon.

Pay day always means many shopping days!

Recently I've landed my first job and in terms of shopping beforehand, I would only buy small things or ask my parents to buy whatever I needed for me as I lived off my pocket money which wasn't very much per month (I was also very shitty at saving money before...). But now I have a new job, everything has now changed...whether it's for the better is another question in terms of the health of my bank balance.

I'm not a fashion or beauty blogger and do not claim to be a specific type of blogger but I am willing to try and write "haul" type blogs as I always enjoy reading them and watching them on YouTube so thought I would give it a try and talk through what and why I bought these items over the last 2 months!

1. Rimmel Wake me up Foundation and Concealer in True Ivory:
I'd heard great things about these two products many times by friends and through blogs/vlogs and so thought I would give it a try as I was still trying to find the perfect foundation for me and I found it! It's so light and doesn't make me look like I've caked my face in foundation (which isn't ever a good look let's face it) and also matched my skin tone which is a first! (I have a weird skin tone that's kind of tanned kind of not.) the concealer also covers my dark circles around my eyes so well and literally makes me look awake in the mornings when I'm trying to at least feel awake before work.

2. Taylor Swift Enchanted Fragrance:
I've been such a big fan of Taylor Swift since I was 11 years old and have wanted this perfume since it came out when I was around 14/15 and it smells like I've been enchanted literally I'm in love with the smell it's so sweet but not over-powering but also has enough power for people to notice you have perfume on which is hard to achieve.

3. Pandora Charm:
I've had my pandora bracelet since last Christmas and thought as a treat to myself I would buy myself a charm as a well done for getting my first pay check and it's so cute I'm in love with it and recommend Pandora Jewellery highly to anyone who likes simple bracelets or necklaces and who likes to customise their jewellery.

4. White lace Peplum top from Primark:
This isn't something I would usually buy as I've been slightly afraid to try peplum tops thinking they would make my curves look bigger but actually it highlights my curves nicely in a way that makes them look nice and sophisticated which I liked very much. You can wear them with skirts and leggings which for me is what I live in so is perfect for me and the lace detail is beautiful on the top adding to the sophistication of the top.

5. Blue checkered leggings from  BooHoo:
BooHoo again had been a brand I've been wanting to try for a while and had been looking for some nice fashion leggings everywhere and found a pair I fell in love with on here and I received it within 3 days of ordering it which increases my new found love for the fashion site which is now a go to for simple items I need. The leggings aren't see through either and add something edgy to any plain outfit as well as comfort on a lazy day.

6. Aztec Jumper from ASOS:
ASOS also had been a company I've been interested in looking at and again very super quick delivery I've been very impressed with this online company and their clothing which is beautiful! The jumper is a little itchy but that can be solved easily and it's just as beautiful in person as I saw online which is the most important thing. Again the jumper is good for looking great without really trying which is me to a cup of tea.

7. Belle Boots from Hotter Comfort Shoes:
Hotter Comfort Shoes is the company I work for and their shoes are the comfiest shoes I've ever worn literally and when I got these tan boots from my work I was so amazed at how comfy they feel in the sense that I tried to force occasions just so I could wear these shoes. They are stylish for the winter and will keep your feet comfy which for me and many people is perfect.

Those are just a few items I've bought over the past two months. Depending on how well this post does I might do a few more posts like this in the future. In the mean time enjoy life while you can and here's a saying I like to follow:

"Life's not a sprint, it's a marathon." -author unknown.

Trip to Brighton

In early September I went down to Brighton and Hove, UK for a couple of days to visit my Brother who is currently living there having just finished his masters degree so I went down to spend my last time in Brighton before my brother moves back home.

Brighton is one of my favourite cities because of its happy atmosphere that makes me feel like I'm on holiday and let's face it who doesn't like the beach? Walks along the beach are so nice and relaxing and luckily the weather was on my side while I was down there! 

The cities Victorian architecture is so beautiful to look at because of the sheer beauty of the designs of the houses which look like giant real life doll houses. It really is a wonderful place to be in awe of for a couple hours. 

Brighton is also a very vibrant city so there are lots of things to do while you are down there including many sea side restaurants (plus many fish and chip shops virtually everywhere you look), bars, a SeaLife Centre, the Lanes which have many cute shops to look into and of course the beach itself! 

I went into th SeaLife Centre and honestly it was so amazing to see so many fish in one place that I took so many pictures of as many fish as possible. One of my favourite fish tanks was the clown fish one because of my love for the film Finding Nemo which I think I captured beautifully in this one picture below. What's even better is that the centre is actively aiding endangered species in the ocean through funding and donations from the centre to rescue sea animals like turtles and sharks. If you want more information I will insert their website here (https://www.visitsealife.com/brighton/).I do recommend if you're down there or anywhere near a SeaLife Centre to go and be fascinated by the hundreds of fish they have in these centres to educate us and future generations.

Overall if anyone is thinking of going to Brighton and Hove for a short weekend away I would highly recommend it as it is truly a beautiful sea side city filled with wonderful things to do including the SeaLife centre and the famous pier which is truly something everyone should experience at least once. 

Blessings in Disguise, advice on going to University or not.

The past month has been a roller coaster of emotions due getting exam results and having to decide what my plans are for the next year in a very short space of time.

My exams weren't what I was expecting, not in a good way either which for the time being excluded one route which I had managed to convince myself was the only way to a successful future. University. Now I know lots of people go to university because its a way to the job of their dreams and its what is expected of many young people once they leave the state education system. I thought this too, I convinced myself and had many emotional break downs over the fact that I believed that uni was my only option to be successful, because many of my friends believed this too. University gives you degrees which leads to jobs (apparently). However, many people don't even go into the job they want too using their degree so why waste that money?

Many people say they go to uni for the "experience of moving out and living on your own" as well as for the degree at the end of it. In my opinion that's fine go for it live your youth out while you can and getting into uni is a massive achievement as it is! But for me, because I was worrying about my future so much I ignored what my actual feelings about university were. I didn't want to go. I saw it as my only option as my Sixth Form college didn't really talk about apprenticeships because its main goal was to get it's students into university.

So when I got my results, i felt a weight lifted off me because, I didn't have to go to university anymore. I had the world at my feet, I could go into a job and work my way up if I really wanted to instead, or go for an apprenticeship to earn money instead of spend £9,000 a year of money that's the governments money not mine.  I felt like I could really think about what I wanted to do with my life. From the age of 14 I've been told, "you need to know what you are going to do for a career now and study for that career" which is fine for some people, but me, I felt the pressure.

I now know that my results were a blessing in disguise. I wasn't cut out for more education, I was suited to the system of exams determining my future I wanted to make my future for myself. Incidentally I had a job interview for a simple sales assistant job the same day as my results came out and I decided to put my all into that interview and forget about my results. And now I have just started working as I got that job despite the trauma I had been through that day.

So my advice for going to university is, don't rush it. Look at other option and don't believe that university is the only way. It's one way that works for many people who flock to uni every year but its okay if its not for you. I learnt the hard way that I was meant for something else.

Getting to know me on a basic level.

I created this blog to have a space on the Internet for my voice to be heard for those who want to see it. Blogging is such a great sedation which has taken over the whole internet in different forms such as vlogging super stars such as Zoella and MusicalBethan who I personally like watching on YouTube as well as other "vloggers" as they are called generically.

Me personally blogging is still the best form of online communication to the world because, so much can be said in one or more blogs, than a 3 minute video about a random topic whereas a blog can dig deep into one particular subject and that's fascinating to me how blogs can sometimes stay connected and some vlogs too on one specific topic compared to many sites which take on many topics which is great too! But for me, written words speak louder and clearer than spoken words from my experience.

I'm no means a popular "blogger" and had no direct intention of becoming one when I started this blog, I simply started it to voice what I think and put it somewhere for people to like or dislike and I can speak freely and not be interrupted.

This form of writing has always been something I love doing, when I was 13/14 and even still now I wanted to become a journalist. It was my dream to be part of a newspaper or magazine and have my own place to just do what I love to do! Write about events or topics of interest which people enjoy! However, since I was 14 I have decided that journalism isn't the job for me due to my academic ability not being that great meaning getting into university courses for that subject would be very hard indeed.

However, I have t given up on my dream. "Blogging" is a freelance form of journalism which anyone can do because well, it's free! No qualifications needed no pressure for deadlines no one telling you this is a load of (insert rude word) and it's more free than a job in a magazine or newspaper where you're told what to write and when for. Here I can write whenever I like!

This blog allows me to keep my dream alive and pursue what I want to do once I get my qualifications from university, become a teacher. I love to talk and explain ideas to people and during my a-levels I've realised, hey teaching may not be a bad career actually. (Plus you get great holidays which is just a bonus on finding out a job who would be good at!)

I use to panic and worry about what I would do when I'm an adult and whether I would make enough money or lose my passions but, then I realised just before I started this blog that, what I choose to make happen, will be my decision and I will do my best to make the best decision for me. Which is who I am, on a basic level.

Books, Chocolate, Tea and Summer.

I'm now officially on my summer break which actually is going to last until September 2016 due to me taking a gap year away from education which is a much needed break from the system which has stressed me out for the past 4 years of my life. Saying that however, I am looking for a job to take up my time to save up money for either travelling next summer or to spend of university supplies next year which will both be cost effective.

When I think of summer, I always think about endless time for reading books and drinking tea. That sentence in itself makes it obvious that I am a British girl, but I can't help it! Reading since I was a little girl has been something I am passionate about because of how it does take you away from the pressures life throws at you. It allows your imagination to flow and think of a life that could be, and that is what has always enticed me into putting my nose into a book whether it be romance or fantasy. Reading is my summer getaway.

I am currently reading Giovanna Fletcher's Dream a little Dream which is about a young woman dreaming about her dream man who ends up becoming a real man. Books like this show how real life can become a fantasy in a world where reality is becoming our lives with 'reality' TV shows such as TOWIE and Keeping Up With The Kardashians (which I have to admit is a guilty pleasure of mine) consume our minds by wondering what their lives must be like compared to our normal ones. 'Reality' TV is becoming a new form of booking reading where we can watch a 'scripted reality' which is what some books are too.

Nevertheless, nothing seems more luxurious to me than sitting down on my single bed, with a cup of tea on my window sill, chocolate next to me and a good book in my hand which I don't get to do so much during the busy winter months due to school. Now I can do what makes me the most happy, drift off into my bubble of my imagination with a good book.

Losing a friend: the truth you don't want to admit

The majority of us sadly at some point in our lives go through loss of a friend, if you haven't yet I count you as a very lucky person.

Sometimes it is simply just losing contact and growing apart which in some ways is a lot better and easier to cope with than the ways I've lost friends in the past. Arguments which spiral out of control also lead to this sad event. 

People cope with these situations in many different ways, some cry, some take it out on others, some block it out, and some get over it or may never even get over it. There's one thing I know for sure about loss of a friendship which I think the majority of people will agree with me about, and that is that it hurts so much to lose someone you told everything too and thought you were going to be those 2 people who everyone asks how they remained friends for so long. Then you realize you will be the person asking another couple of friends that question in years to come.

Personally I think losing a best friend is exactly the same as breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend because you are essentially losing a part of who you are. From personal experience it didn't come easy for me to accept that this was the reality that I chose to take and even though I knew it would eventually be better for me and everyone around me was telling me that I was better off and that the friendship was not a good one and that I was treated badly, I didn't see that till after it ended. I've taken a long time to accept that my friendship of 6 years with someone i considered my best friend during those years to be over and i'm finally able to speak about it with my loved ones without breaking down completely and wanting everything to go back to how they were no matter how horrible it seemed from the outside to people. 

No one ever likes change, especially if that change is one that changed you in the first place. Finding your feet, getting yourself together, accepting the situation is hard. You realize your real friends and family during those times of hardship.  Listening to a whole playlist of sad songs, deleting every single picture of you and your friend on Facebook, instagram, every tweet, every text, the number, Skype anything which would be too hard for you to see is deleted and every-time you delete something, you die a little inside. And people say they understand, but do they? No one ever truly understands you, but they try and that is what counts. 

My advice if anything is going through something like this currently, do whatever makes you feel better. Don't let anyone tell you that you should be over something if you are not. It's okay to be sad it's okay to want to turn back times but you need to learn to either accept the facts, or do something about the situation if you are not happy with what happened with you and your friend. If it's for the best then leave it, if there is a chance of becoming friends again then go for it reach for it and get your friend back. But always remember, you are your happiest when those around you are what is making you happy. If you are not happy and have grievances with that person. Leave it alone before it becomes a lot worse. Being happy is contagious, take your happiness and spread it like a wild fire to everyone around you. 

The joys of reading into another world

For me reading is something which relaxes me in times of stress and gives me the time to forget about reality and look into someones fantasy, a.k.a what the author has decided is the fate of the characters in the book.

I've always loved reading, my parents wanted me to get into it and pushed me into it very young because of how my older siblings seemed to have dismissed the idea of reading. Which sounds very weird to me that people don't like reading because, we all do it on some level every day whether its a text message or instructions on cooking a meal. We all read, so why not like reading something which is meant to be enjoyable?

The kind of books which I've always enjoyed are books which show romance and adventure and how in reality not everything is a fairy tale like we believe when we are children.

Reading to some extent has taught me how to be patient (although I am still a pretty impatient person at times) and not to rush things. Because when I was younger I would always read the last page of the book so that I knew what would happen and a lot of the time, that would ruin the suspense of a chapter which is explained on that last page. Now I know to wait and let the book run its course and that skill I now use in other aspects of my life like in my cooking or studying for exams etc.

Reading is something I cherish and I am so glad that I was born in a society where we are allowed to read, whatever social class, gender or ethnicity I am. I am so glad I can read books whenever I want and express my love for reading with freedom of speech on places like this blog.

I think in some ways reading is becoming less and less popular because many great books are being turned into films, so people would rather use less time and watch the films instead of reading the whole book which is where a lot of the time the true plot to the story lies. My own brother is such a big fan of the Lord of the Rings films and knows the films off by heart yet choose not to read the books because he doesn't like reading, which I personally think is really sad. Reading gives you an insight into someone else's mind who may not even be real but in your imagination is real while you are reading this book.

If there is one thing I've learnt from reading books, its that not everything stays the same once you change the page you're on. 

The one thing we all know yet never remember: Being a teenager is hard

Now i'm approaching the latter half of my teenage years I am starting to realize one or two things. Every living person becomes a teenager at some point in their life and as you get older many people laugh about their "teenage years" and try to push aside their mistakes which everyone makes when hormones take over our brains and put it into overdrive.

Yet everyone stereotypes teenagers to be this misbehaving annoying and angry group in our society that we should all be aware of. But everyone seems to forget that you were once part of this group in society and now you are an adult and condoning a minority and exaggerating it to the majority.

I remember a few occasions when I've popped out to the shops in a hoodie and jeans in the cold with my hood up and people have crossed the road to get away from me? I honest to god am the least harmful person you will come across on the planet, i get so upset if I've even accidentally hurt someone in any form. Yet those people crossed the road to get away from me?

Being a teenager is hard that is a fact, no one knows what they want and you think everyone is against you blah blah everyone's heard of the typical characteristics of puberty and teenagehood before its nothing new.

Yet why condone being a typical teenager? Everyone goes through it, every girl understands what a 11-14 year old girl is going through when she first gets her period and the hormones which make her cry over nothing. Every man understands the pressure of boys to look cool and get girls even if its not the kind of person they want to be.

I'm not saying to let every teenager get away with a tantrum which hurts peoples feelings or if they do something which is horrific and blame their hormones on it. I'm simply saying if you know a young girl or boy who is angry at you for something you haven't done or is changing who they are because of something or someone they know, don't be too harsh.

They are only human and one day (hopefully) the majority of them will become beautiful human beings who will one day maybe have their own teenagers to look after and deal with their tempers.

'Puppy Love'

The term "puppy love" is usually used to define young people in love and when I say young people I mean anyone under the age of 18 really. But the saying "puppy love" is so patronizing to young people don't you think? It's almost saying that because you are a young person, you cannot experience a "proper" form of love until you are an adult. This is probably because most people under the age of 18 are very immature.

Personally I am still immature even though I am a month from turning 18 and becoming a supposedly "adult" but I have been with my boyfriend since I was 16/17, so is it still puppy love once we both become adults? Or does it become this magical thing of "real love" which in itself I think is a stupid phrase.

I fell in love at the age of 17 and I do not think that the love I share with my boyfriend is "puppy love" in the sense that we both agree this is a serious relationship and we both are very happy together. But I remember for the first 6 months of my relationship everyone told me it was "puppy love" in the sense that it will fade out eventually.

I think the term "puppy love" shouldn't be used to generalize all young couples because every relationship is different. I know many couples who have thought to be so in love for the first month but then the relationship sizzle out and that is what I would call "puppy love", something short lived but full of emotions.

This can apply to all age groups too, even someone in their 30s who has a "whirl-wind summer romance" could call that "puppy love" in the sense that it was short lived but nevertheless all about the love of the other person.

The fact that once you are an adult these kind of flings are given more grown up names shows how separate we are in society from children to the extent that we have different names for near enough the same experiences to an extent we all go through whether it is a teenager discovering love for the first time or a 25 year old on holiday and meets the person they believe to be "the one" which itself is an immature concept to believe we are made for one person to love unconditionally.

I love more than one person unconditionally. I love my whole family, friends, boyfriend, hobbies and even fictional characters unconditionally and that is not "one person". Many people believe they find the "one" person they love for it to turn a nasty corner and that breaks my heart. I believe people should stop searching for the "one" person and just have fun in life and if someone comes along who you have more than a "puppy love" with then great! See where it goes! but don't waste time finding something which may cause you more pain in the long run.

Memories

We make memories every second we are alive, something is always happening whether it is reading a book, talking to someone, waking up, falling asleep, listening to music, walking somewhere, sat doing something anything we do can become a memory. Yet there are only specific memories which we remember better than others. For example the memory of my boyfriend asking me to be his girlfriend 10 months ago is a lot stronger than the memory of what I did yesterday while at college.

Some memories stand out more than others and these are the memories which shape our experiences and fears. If we remember that something made us fearful, we don't like that memory and are scared of it happening again which shapes on how you conduct yourself in certain situations where that can occur again. Me personally, I have memories which I love to think about and others which I would rather throw away into a metaphorical ocean on nothingness, but I know that cannot happen. I'm stuck with it.

In a way our memories shape what we know about the world. If we remember not to do something because our society deems it to be unacceptable then I believe we would tend to avoid whatever it was that we think society would not like. I remember growing up like any other kid I wanted to fit in and if anyone told me not to do something, that would be put into my memory to not do it again. Even so I would always end up doing something else silly which wasn't "socially acceptable" to everyone around me.

My question to people reading this is however, who created the term socially acceptable and who decides what is acceptable or not? Over time I know from my A-level studies some actions which have previously not been "socially acceptable" are now the norm and as the term goes 'everyone is doing it'. I think this is true in lots of cases such as binge drinking which I know from experience is something very popular among the youth of our generation and before. Even though binge drinking really isn't good for us, why are university students always in the lime light for  doing this?

Don't get me wrong I drink and get drunk but I don't do it a lot of the time I only go to parties a couple times of the year because I would personally like to spend my time making memories else where I am sober and can remember what has gone by.

Memories are something we should treasure, even the bad memories we have because one day we may not remember a thing. That thought is scary to us all.

Knowing everything but nothing

I've always thought that as you get older, you start to understand the world and everything around you much better than you do as a child because as a child, the world is a mysterious yet wonderful place to be. I use to be excited about getting older and becoming an adult but right now, it is the most scariest thing in my life, becoming an adult. 

I've got just over  a month till i'm 18 and to be honest, I am not ready. I know a lot, but at the same time I know absolutely nothing. Hence the title of my blog being "knowing everything but nothing" which to be honest, I think is the same thing a lot of people in the 16-18 bracket age are thinking. We know everything that we need to do in order to succeed (get good grades at GCSE and A-Levels, get a degree or get a job, get married have children etc.) but at the same time, we know absolutely nothing about what we want to do with our lives and whether we want to go along the linear route of going to uni getting a job etc.

I am taking a gap year before I do anything life changing to figure out what I want to do with my life. This decision was taken after receiving my AS results (to anyone who isn't familiar with the UK education system this is what a junior year at high school is) and realizing that I needed to change my outlook when it came to exams and what I wanted to do when it came to finishing my exams etc. 

Decision like going to University or doing an apprenticeship is really big and having to make that decision at 16/17 years old to me is really daunting. To anyone who knows what they are going to do and what they need to do this is great and simple for them, however I tend to differ between what subject and job I want to do when I am in my 20s and therefore need more time to mature and realize what I want to do. 

I personally think there is too much pressure on teenagers to make big decisions at an age where none of us are mature enough to decide what job we are going to stick with for the rest of our lives. When talking to my friends at my Sixth Form College about this a lot of them agree with me that there is too much emphasis on going to University and going this route in life, instead of looking at what we really want to do and learning about ourselves. 

But there isn't much I alone can do on this situation however and there is the simple fact that I need to accept that this is the case. 

Nevertheless I can do with my life what I can and I think this needs to be spread across schools that University isn't the only way and that you can go at any point in your life if you really want to go. 

I hope that anyone reading this is happy with there life decisions but just so that you know, if you are not happy it is never too late to change your career. When I got my AS results and I thought my life was over because they were not what I was expecting my lovely father told me and I will always remember this "it is okay to fail as long as you learn how to pass next time" and this is so true. Just learn how to correct your bad decisions (which to be honest are never bad decisions because they make you who you are) and make yourself the happiest person you can be. 

Love yourself and don't worry if you don't know everything, not many of us knowing everything too.